I'd gotten really disgusted with tblog, as you know.  So I've been sticking with myspace and my SB (not so secret, at this point).  I thought I'd check here tonight, oh, I don't know, for old time's sake.  Well, that, and I ran across an article online about a 5 year old who stole his mom's SUV and took it for a drive, in Ypsilanti, MI, which made me think of Lynne, which made me think of tblog.  Sometimes I check tblog, but an automatic popup usually shows up, which makes tblog crash, but somehow, today it didn't.  And before any of you say, "Turn on your popup blockers," duh, they're already on.

I went to see Clerks II today, and laughed quite a bit (when I was not writhing from the ewwwww)...  There was some serious raunch, of course, and two scenes that really dragged (honestly, did Kevin Smith need to have a musical dance scene? And what was with the prison scene--man that took forever!), but it was a nice way to end the work week.  And omg, when did Brian O'Halloran become so hot?  I mean, I always liked Dante in the first one, but I reeeeeeeeally liked him in this one.  I was sort of mesmerized by him--and his eyes... well, maybe I've got lust on the brain, but the man is fine.  And what I like about him too, is he's not the typical eye candy I go for, but he definitely had some eye candy action going for him. 

In other news, I've been teaching this short summer comp course, and I don't know if my students like it but I really have.  In general, I hate Comp I; I think it's a waste, but I really like the students--and I only have 15 of them, and they're just so great (some to more or lesser degrees, of course)...  I really like them.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now.  Cheers to everyone.

Does anyone else have the experience of when you log onto tblog, you get a damn "about blank"/ "media fastclick.com" pop-up from IE, even if you're not using IE?  I find that so exasperating, because a lot of times it makes tblog crash.  (Yet another reason why I don't use tblog that much any more.)

Summer school started yesterday; only 16 students showed up, and it would be lovely if that's all who did.  Not just because fewer students means fewer papers to grade, but also because it's better learning-wise for the students.  Of course, I think the idea of teaching a 6 week intensive summer writing course is morally and pedagogically bankrupt, but what do I know?  I'm just a teacher.

Well, even though I can't afford it, I got a new car.  Not a truck, which is kind of a tragedy, since I tend to haul a lot of crap, but I couldn't afford a truck.  And especially, when you consider how much gas costs, I couldn't justify a vehicle that only gets like 22 mpg.  So I have a Scion XA.  It's dorky but cute.  Expensive too.  But probably the cheapest new thing I could get.

I'm so sick of money issues.  So very sick and tired of them.  But what can you do??

I hope everyone's doing ok.

It occurs to me that I'm such a fricken grump lately.  Well, and let's face it, my life is sucking big time.  But I thought I may as well type a list of things that I'm grateful for (in no particular order). 

1. I'm damn thankful I have my Ph.D.  It hasn't done me a lick of good yet, and it cost a mint (and man, oh, man, am I paying for it), but at least I have it. And UNL can so kiss my fat ass!
2. I'm thankful I have a great Mom and awesome sister.  They make me laugh and they're good people.
3. I'm thankful there are people in the world who think War Is Not The Answer.
4. I'm thankful that W cannot be re-elected.
5. I'm thankful for cats.  I'm especially thankful that I had six good years with Chubby.  I wish it could have been more; I wish he hadn't left, but I'm grateful we were together while we were.  And I'm thankful I have Snorky now.  He ain't Chubby, but no one is.
6. I'm thankful for all my friends in RL and online.  (You know who you are, and I love you all!!!)
7. I'm thankful for being born with a brain that mostly works ok so I can read books. (I wish I had a body that wasn't so sucky, but oh, well.)
8. I am so thankful that someone invented tampons.
9. I'm thankful for great women like Betty Friedan, Eleanor Roosevelt, Hilary Clinton,  Corretta Scott King, the suffragettes and abolitionists, great poets like Anne Sexton, Jane Kenyon, Marge Piercy, and Toi Derricotte, and women everywhere who work hard in their crappy, generally low-paying jobs to take care of their families.
10. I'm thankful for my dissertation advisor, also a great poet--Grace Bauer--whom I don't keep in contact with as well as I should, but she's pretty swell.
11. I'm thankful to Jesus too.  Even though we're still kinda not on speaking terms.  I don't think he really likes me.  Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

Anyway...I need to paste this list to my forehead.  Maybe it would help.

...it's worse.  The truck was busted up more than just aesthetically; the radiator is ruined, the fan won't turn to cool the engine (which is why it was running hot, particularly when it idled), and the mechanic said insurence will probably total it out.  Since it's a 97, the blue book value is next to nothing, and there's no way I can afford car payments on top of my rent, bills, and student loan repayments.  And before any of you suggest I get to know public transportation, I'd point out that Atlanta public transportation is a joke.  So, I'm pretty much going to take a swan dive off the Coca-Cola building.  That would take care of all my financial troubles, as well as all my self-esteem issues, and relationship problems.  Really.  All of it gone at 9.8 m/sec squared.

And, if that's not all, my phone is broken, and I don't have money to buy a new one.  So if anyone needs to contact me, you should send me e-mail or IM me.

... other than feeling sorry for myself.  Maybe I need to go back into therapy.  I'm paying through the nose for health insurance--maybe I should use it.  This thing with R and his new girlfriend is tearing me up inside, and I am ashamed to admit it.  It's not like I'm jealous of her so much as wondering why he didn't want me.  What's wrong with me?  Wasn't I loving, helpful, funny, or smart enough?  Or maybe being those things will never balance being fat and unattractive.

Gahh, I'm sick of myself.

Today I found out, via his MySpace picture, that the guy I was madly in love with (and hell, still love) last year and who didn't want me is dating someone cute, petite, and adorable.  I mean, she wouldn't be my taste, but I can see why he likes her.  And I had to learn via damn MySpace!  He couldn't fricken tell me that he was IN A RELATIONSHIP?  I have to learn it by seeing his icon picture (which has both of them in it--and oh, I'm going to vomit from the cuteness, it's her icon picture too) and reading it on his page?  I think that's pretty damn cold.

And I sound all outraged now, but honestly, my heart hurts and I was crying so hard earlier.  It would have been kinder if he told me.  I mean, a couple of weeks ago--the 3rd--he told me he went out on a date with her.  A date is one thing.  A "relationship" is something else.  And I know what you're probably thinking--it's not like I haven't been dating too.  But I've only been dating because he told me, rather cavalierly last August, that I had to "move on."  Well, how do you move on when you still love someone?  And you're only dating other people because you're lonely, in a city by yourself, and the person you really want doesn't want you back?  Which is not to say that I didn't like the last guy--the cheater guy, cuz I did.  But I didn't love him.

I used to pray and pray that God would give me a sign about what to do with my life.  And now it seems like I get the signs, but I just don't know what to do with them.

I know, I know, my heart will heal in time.  But I just wish for once something good would happen to me.  I'm so tired of being beaten down.

It's true that I'm poor and money troubles are with me 24/7 it seems, and that's all I can think about, and suddenly everything has a price to it (do I really need the air on?  do I need to buy bottled water?  should I get rid of cable? do I really needto fix my car? etc., etc.), but I've just been crabby.

I think it's hormonal.  And the fact that I'm overdue.  In hot weather my cycle becomes unpredictable (although it hasn't been overly predictable in over a year, ever since the EC experiment), and so maybe I'm testy about that--because I'm having my hotflashes, and I'm achey, and headachey, and not sleeping well, and generally uncomfy because my clothes are tight right now.  So, no wonder I'm whining and poor-meing.

I just.... oh, I don't know... I keep hoping my life will change--I mean, I'm doing the damn visualizations--but so far, it just changes for the worst.

Oh, well, don't mind me.  I do have good things in my life.  I have Snorky.  And he is a dear, dear cat.